I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So much Jack, so little girl.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
