His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
