Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
