she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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