He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
