I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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