I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
