some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
high people should be assigned attendants
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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