You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
