Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
