She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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