i think i have two assholes
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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