That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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