OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
