If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
