That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
