I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i came on her dog
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
