I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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