okay pat passed out under dana's car
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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