Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
