My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
