She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
