you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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