waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
