I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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