Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Small penises have feelings too.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How external is "for external use only"?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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