I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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