He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
