Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
barbara walters just said penis...
The best revenge is premature balding
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
