Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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