There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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