everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
