i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish you could order shots online.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I will pee on everything he values.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
