Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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