I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
