Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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