omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
