how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
