i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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