I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
