they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
