just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
