The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
