I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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