I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
