I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
