yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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