filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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