Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
