I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
