I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
There's even glitter on my cock...
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