peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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