Im at strip club and am horny
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
