If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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