i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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