sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize