Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
