I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just high enough for therapy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
