Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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