I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
