We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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