I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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