My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
